Why do we fall?

So we can learn to pick ourselves up.

Bad news: I didn't lose the 5. In fact, I only lost three. I'm not posting the photo because it felt crappy to take it. I'm at 258. It kind of blows, but it's also reflects a lackluster month. Needless to say, I have to step it up.

For starters, I'm going down to bi-monthly weigh ins. It'll help keep me on check.

I have to go back to weekly goals and trying to accomplish said goals.

I have to watch what I eat like a hawk. This was kind of my downfall for the month: I ate three cupcakes in less than 24 hours. Bleh. That just sounds so horrible. There's a reason I haven't had pasta or sweets. I can't stop myself. I suck at moderation. :( Boo for disappointment.

But I still have 10 months to go. More or less 310ish days to kick ass and take names.

I'm going to go plan my week in meals. Send good vibes my way...I'm not feeling awesome right now.

Evaluating February

OK. We could go a lot of different ways with this one...but let me start with the negatives:

1. As much as I'd like to think that I'm completely happy being completely, utterly single, I'm not. Evidence: I had a liberal amount of cupcakes, ice cream, chocolates (Godiva, because if you're going to be bad about something, you might as well go for the good stuff) this month. Especially around V-Day. I wish I was strong enough to avoid the chocolaty goodness that comes around every Feb. 14 but I'm not. I'm human (I don't usually like admitting that, breakthrough?). Shit happens.

2. I stopped setting/accomplishing weekly goals for myself and that was a serious downfall. It's the only way to keep me accountable for me and I didn't do it. Taking this up again in March.

3. I haven't been stepping on the scale as often...for fear I might not be doing something right. I need to stop being afraid. Being scared of my weight is what got me here. Dammit.

Now for the good stuff:
1. I'm seeing changes in my body, clothingwise. It's minimal, but it is there.

2. I decided to give up going out to eat for lent, which aside from last night's blip (which I'm so paying for today), I'm doing pretty well. I have to think about what I'm going to eat hours ahead and it works to my advantage, even when I am pressed for time.

3. I signed up for a Design Your Own Program session for March 3. I'm guessing we'll be upping the ante by adding more reps and more weight....This should be fun...!

I'm supposed to go to the gym later today and for a quick hike (I told you I was going to be paying for my blip). Have an awesome day!

Something I might never be able to do right

is accept compliments.

Most anyone that knows me can attest to this. I can't. I usually start protesting, I say no, I say the shirt's a dress and it fits weird, I shake my head... but I'm working on it.

I'm trying to just say thanks. I'm trying to just accept said compliments. I think the hardest ones to accept are the weight loss ones. Whenever someone says I look leaner or smaller, I usually say no. I just don't think people really see it but I guess they do? I see changes in the mirror sure...but not substantial ones...or at least I don't think they're substantial enough to be mentioned. They're not substantial enough for all of my body issues to go away...stupid long road ahead of me...I'm still getting used to the concept of a new body...

Sigh.

When I was done with today's workout, I got my stuff from my locker and went over to the front desk to sign up for another "Design Your Own" Program sessions. One of the managers at the gym said, "Hey, you've been looking good lately. I've been meaning to tell you but you're always rushing out." I responded with a startled look and a stammered thanks and then some awkward silence while I was finding a date for the session. I'm an awkward turtle...maybe one day I'll get it right.

Haven't felt like writing

in a while...look forward to a long post soon. I need to vent.

Slacker

I like lists...That's why I make list blogs....Here's one right now!

1. Been stressing out lately. Almost thought about not going to the gym today and I realized that I spend most of my days preaching about exercise being such a good stress-reliever...and I ALMOST DIDN'T GO?! I'm a couple of things, hypocritical isn't one of them. So I made my way to the gym, kicked my own ass during my lower body work out and then during my cardio. Fun, fun! I felt great afterward. It was pretty effin' awesome.

2. I had pasta for the first time in over a month. It was wheat...I don't like wheat but this wasn't so bad. We substituted tofu for ricotta and it turned out quite well really.

3. That's really about it. Haha! I'm going to be crazy busy...I'll try updating. One week until weight in! Two pounds to go! I like exclamations points!

Day 1

Quick blog before I go pick up Van.
Here's what I had for breakfast: Oatmeal+Flax seeds+dried cranberries+Green Tea. Noms.

Lunch, outside in the patio with Joaq and Stef. Turkey+provolone+field greens+mustard+ 2 slices of bread+carrot sticks+Sun Chips+ a banana. NOMS I was totally starving during lunch.. OH and most of an apple, that I had technical difficulties with.

And now dinner! and NEW PLATES! :D

And I left out the salmon:

Total noms. Day 1 wasn't so bad. Gonna go plan out lunch for tomorrow :D Hope everyone had an awesome day!

I swim for brighter days Despite the absence of sun

Short blog cause I need to go mimis:
Went to the Jack's Mannequin concert at the White Rabbit tonight. It was amazing. So glad I finally got to see the band.
My legs are killing me. Lots of dancing and bopping around. The show made me miss someone I shouldn't really miss...but I couldn't help it. Should have been there, you would have loved it.

I'm giving up going out to eat for lent. This WILL be hard. I'm a social butterfly that loves going to lunch, but I have to save money if I really want to go to school in the summer. It also helps that by cooking my own meals, I'll know exactly what goes in. There will be a more conscious effort on my part to know what goes in and how much. It's going to be hard but I'm going to get through it.

The next 40 days are going to be interesting. I'm putting up photos of the new plates ASAP. But right now, I'm off to bed.

Woohoo!

I HAVE 6 STARS! Woo hoo! Obama's going to be so proud!

Moving on, I got some new plates (pics up later, I promise) that'll hopefully help me want to plate things and show them off. Woooo for Home Goods and Anthropologie!

I hung out with my favorite Canadian today, did some shopping and some lunching. We're ladies that lunch :D Tomorrow should be a fun time, need to get to work early, leave early, go to the office and design my butt off and eventually make it to the Rabbit for a Jack's Mannequin show :D

Did 40 minutes of cardio today...That's kind of a lot for me. My knee's stiff and my whole leg is iffy but it'll get better. Yes. It. Will.

Anywhoo, I'm hyper and I should go to bed. Night!

Confession time

I've eaten chocolates. All day. :(
Yeah well. Back on the wagon tomorrow. Two weeks until weigh in for February. Back to work time.

The best kind of work out

leaves your legs shaking. Totally in a rush right now to go meet a friend that I'm designing a brochure for. Then off to the mall :D Have an awesome day everyone!

Guess what

I'm crazy tired so you're in for a bulletblog:
1. I walked all over downtown for a friend. Totally worth it cause she was crazy busy and couldn't leave her desk and I got an extra 20 minutes of walking in.
2. I'll elaborate on this later but please listen to the Diane Rehm Show that was on Feb. 11 at 10 a.m. They talked about obesity and what M. Obama is doing about it. Good stuff. I've never heard Rehm get into it with a guest that fervently.
3. I have 17 days to lose 4 pounds to be on track for February. Stupid hormones. Stupid short month. Whatever, I'm doing it so.....suck it, February.
4. Man, my ankle hurts and my knee feels weird. Usually happens when I do my arm days because I do more cardio. UGH. Soooo tired.
5. Finishing "Percy Jackson and The Lightning Thief" tonight so I can go watch the movie tomorrow morning. It's basically Harry Potter 2.0, but I like it.
6. Still need to use the cabbage and swiss chard. That means cooking tomorrow night. Nom nom nom.
7. Yeah...no more. Off to read and relax.
8. I LIED! When I finish this week in the Presidential Fitness Challenge, I'll be getting my SIXTH star! OMG I'm so excited! I know it's cheesy but eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! :D
Now I'm off. :D

Icky weather

We're in for a bit of cold, rainy weather these next few days, and I've already talked about this but, who cares, I'm going to say it again: I don't function in cold weather. Van usually calls me a bear and I'm starting to think she's right.

Anyway, a quick blog post since I'm at work: I'm writing down what I eat in addition to trying to take photos of it. I know in some ways that's almost neurotic but I'm sticking with my accountability goal in choosing to know exactly what I'm putting in my body. I'm still in the learning stages (and really, I think it'll always be a learning experience) with moderation. Such a simple little concept that I fail at. Some people can have all the crap they want and not gain and pound and that's great for them. It's not the case for me and let's face it, it won't be.

Moving on, I made a tasty lentil soup last night. Having it for dinner again tonight with some grilled chicken and some veggies from the farmer's market. Anywhoo, it's back to the gym for me tonight, took the day off yesterday because I wasn't feeling it and I needed to think some things out. Luckily for me, my best thoughts come to me when I'm working out or when I cook. Let's just say the lentil soup was extremely cathartic.

Anyway, I have an article to write, a calendar or two to put together and all of it by 1 p.m. when I rush off to lunch with my favorite Canadian who has been quote by CNN and Perezhilton.com in the last day. She's famous. Maybe we'll have some paparazzi :D

Look what I did!

Finally made etouffe :D



Anywhoodles, stayed in for the Super Bowl, just too tired to try moving. Besides the etouffe took ages. Also, just because I made etouffe doesn't mean I'm rooting for the Saints. I only want the Colts to win because that's what Van wants.

Onto goals for the week:
1. Water. Water. And more Water. Jillian Michaels recommends 100 milliliters of water a day and I think I've only been having 64-ish of them.

2. I'm making lentil soup. Got some lentils. Nom nom nom.

3. MUST TAKE PHOTOS OF FOOD. MUST. TAKE. PHOTOS. OF. FOOD.

4. At least 2 vegetable servings per meal. I still don't think I have enough.

Anywhoo, gonna go finish watching the game or clean up or something. Hasta luego!

Disclaimer:

I'm going to bitch about my period. So if you're a guy friend, just don't read this.

OK. I've never really been one for cramping, but lately I'm completely useless when it comes to that time of the month. I don't want anyone to look at me, I'm in a shitty mood, I hate life and I'm heinous to people I love. Having said that, Van and Mans, I really don't know how you live with me. I should be locked away in my room during these 4 horrible days. LOCKED AWAY.

Anyway, I've been kind of lazy lately and it'll started on Friday. I got my work outs in, but foodwise, I haven't wanted to cook and I've been eating food I shouldn't be eating. It's not horrible, but it's not great either.

So because of my lackluster attitude right now (and because Mansee is awesome and reminded me why I'm doing this), I'm making a mini list of why I'm doing this. Here are some of my main reasons to get in shape:
1. Health. No painful walking, no heavy breathing, no migraines, no bullshit.
2. I want to see my collarbone at some point in life..
3. This also applies to my hip bone.
4. I want to stop using my weight as a shield.
5. I want to wear skirts.
6. I want to erase ill-fitting from my vocabulary.
7. I want to try new sports...or any sports for that matter.
8. I want to feel as awesome as I do on the inside.
9. I want to not jiggle as much.

I'm leaving it at 9. But there's more, just need to sort them out.

That work out left me pumped. Gotta get some lunch, clean some more and head to HEB for snacks.

Tiny victories

I finally took some food photos! I missed breakfast (Mini-wheats, soy milk, banana, yogurt), but here's Lunch:

A delicious Spinach salad from Guillermo's downtown. They're amazing, really crowded during lunch time but totally worth it. Joaq and I were joined by the fabulous Imelda, she's a riot. Totally want to be like her when I grow up.

I went to the gym after work and did my Upper Body work out today. It was super packed but there was a hottie on one of the treadmills that made the arm work a lot easier to do. Anyway, hit up the cardio machines and stretched, I'm totally exhausted.

Van helped me with dinner (parm roasted broccoli, grilled chicken and spring greens), here's what that ended up looking like:


We're watching "The Hangover" now, but I'm going to digress for a bit and talk about BMIs. I hate my BMI. This silly little Body Mass Index has been such a bummer for most of my fatty life...For instance, at 5 feet 3 inches I'm supposed to weigh between 107 (BMI of 19) and 135 (BMI of 24) to be considered healthy. I don't honestly think I can do that. I know I'm supposed to have this amazing, idea of what I'm doing and where I'm going with the working out and the eating right and the conscientiousness...but 107? 135??? Sigh.

Now, when I started my goal I was at 268 pounds and my BMI was a 48. Now, I'm 261 and its at 46-ish. Yes, the number is going down...but I'm still considered MORBIDLY OBESE (basically the nastiest words in the English language, EVER). Ugh. I hate, hate, hate that label.

As I continue my path and, hopefully, reach my goal of 200 pounds by Dec. 24, my BMI will be around 36, or overweight. My ultimate BMI goal that I'm giving myself more than a year to complete is 29, just below "Overweight" and circling around 163 pounds. All this math is making my head spin. Anyway, BMI's are crap and they make me feel optimistic/rundown at the same time. I'm going to finish watching "The Hangover" and cheer up. It's not like I'm not doing anything about the situation. I will fix this. Like Obama said last week, "We don't quit. I don't quit."

Hope everyone has an awesome day tomorrow, I'll be going out for the first time in months! This should be fun!

My body is a temple

But really it's been more like a Greek temple for Bacchus, the god of partying, good times, drinking and such things.

I'm working on getting it to a more controlled temple, where the floors and walls are clean, the attic organized and good things happen. I probably sound really loopy right now... you must forgive me, I just got back from the gym so I'm usually a little out of it right after.

I figure if I don't take myself and my body seriously, no one else is going to do it for me. No one's going to make me work out, or make me eat right. My body is the only one I have, there isn't a spare (c'mon stem cell research! jk). I have so many things I want to do in life and I really don't want to keep being this size, or using it as a crutch for not getting out there. Not to mention I want to look good doing these activities! I figured this out, now I just have to keep at it.

Anyway, I'm still failing at taking photos of the food. Gah. Bad Jessica. Any tips? I have a few blog post ideas that I need to flesh out, so come back for those. OH! I found this quote and I loved it. Made me giggle and get my ass to the gym so maybe it'll keep you inspired as well:

"A bear, however hard he tries, grows tubby without exercise." ~A.A. Milne

brrrr

I don't function quite well when it's cold. Today was my day off, well, workout-wise at least. Also, I'm not doing the best at taking photos of what I'm eating....I need to remember to take my camera with me everywhere! Sigh. Anyway, back to the gym tomorrow doing a lower body/cardio work out. Should be fun. need to make the broccoli and the cauliflower, grill some chicken breasts, plan how to use my "meat" crumbles...

Brrrr..OK, off to bed. It's goign to be rainy and cold tomorrow and I'm taking Van to class in the A.M. Hasta luego!