I've said it before and I'll say it again. Why? is one of my favorite questions. It usually throws people off during interviews. During tonight's episode of The Biggest Loser, Jillian was trying to break through to one of the contestants who wouldn't open up about her feelings. I'm not the most private person in the world but I usually try not wearing my emotions on my sleeves. It just doesn't bode well all the time, so I connected with Migdalia.
I couldn't answer the WHY? that Jillian was asking. I can be pragmatic about this and say that I have reached this weight because I didn't know how to limit myself, because I was eating, and later drinking, my feelings. So I sat there racking my brain wanting to come up with one good reason why I did this to myself. My mom used to say, "No te quieres a ti misma" and I was always dumbfounded by what she said. Basically, she didn't feel like I loved myself enough...and I really hate to say this, but she might have been right. I didn't know what I wanted out of life, I was lost in a sea of awkward mixed in with puberty and growing up.
I think what I want has become clearer as I work toward my goal and I continue seeing little results here and there.
I want to be Happy.
That's it. I'm not saying I've been completely miserable for the last however many years, but I could afford to be happier. I'm finally doing something about it and it feels great. There was definitely a light bulb moment tonight.
Tomorrow's an early day so I'm off to bed. :D